Growing up, my parents were pastors, and my dad even became a Bishop. I felt an enormous amount of pressure to be like my dad, continue the faith and be what others expected me to. We lived on a small island, Barbados, and it seemed like there were no secrets. Everyone talks, right? At the peak of my frustration, I remember singing Numb by Linkin Park out loud to my dad while my sister laughed in the back seat. Thankfully no one talked about that, but it also didn't help the situation. The poor man was probably quite confused.
My parents were somewhat strict when it came to things like going out with friends. As a teenager, I felt my only option was to lie to them. I hated doing it, but I felt it was necessary for me to have any semblance of a normal teenage-hood. When I turned 18, I became an adult. My dad was driving me one night, and I told him, I'm done telling you, and my mom lies. I told him I didn't think it was safe. I told him I need him to look out for me and how he couldn't do that if he didn't know my truth.
He was quite confused and ask me if I was gay. I wasn't, but I was confused by his question. I talked about how I felt I wasn't being seen as a whole person. I felt that as long as I said the right things and smiled in the right ways, and went to the places expected, everything else was overlooked. I don't think this was right. I knew there was more to me as a person. I wanted to be known and loved and accepted for all of me.
I told him he needed to listen more and stop lecturing me and then told him I swear. He proceeded to lecture me about swearing, and the conversation ended. While we didn't have a major transformation in our relationship, I changed. I refused to be anything other than myself. If I wasn't going to pretend for these people who had all those expectations, I'd be damned to do it for anybody else. I won't be anyone other than who I am, and I get along best with others who are unabashedly themselves. We have flair, creativity and are always kinda cool.
